


Family's All That We've Got

by DragonBread



Series: Star Trek AU [2]
Category: Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Trek Fusion, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-07-29 18:30:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7694908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonBread/pseuds/DragonBread
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Alec's parents ask to meet their new grandson, Alec and Magnus have their first real fight. Will they come to an agreement? Or will this tear them apart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Alec

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't read [Just Starting to Crawl](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7505857) _please_ do so first! It sets up the au and the situation with Max! This story is a wip so I'm going to be posting a chapter every Saturday until either I finish it or I get behind if I finish I'll go to Saturdays and Wednesdays like I've done before, if I get behind chapters will come as they're finished.
> 
> This story is a little more heavy on the Star Trek aspect than the first one, so be aware of that—feel free to ask me if there's anything you don't understand, either in a comment or on my [tumblr](http://freewheelingbyesexual.tumblr.com)!
> 
> As always, shout out to [hauntedpapyrus](http://archiveofourown.org/users/hauntedpapyrus) for being a bro and encouraging me in this!

“Hey, Magnus, is Alec here?” 

Alec heard Jace's voice coming from the common room and came out of Max's room to greet him before Magnus could respond. “Hey, bro, what's up?”

Jace looked up at him and grinned. “I can't just want to drop in on my favorite brother?”

“You can, but I'm not usually your favorite unless you need something.” Alec turned to Magnus, who was sitting at the desk. “Sorry, apparently I have to deal with this one, you'll have to entertain the small one.”

Magnus shrugged, heading toward Max's room. “Then you get to finish that report later.”

Alec nodded at him, rolling his eyes as he turned back to Jace, who seemed amused. “What?”

“Dude, you two are the most married couple I have ever met and you aren't even married.” Jace shook his head. “Also you just called Max a ‘small one’.”

“We're only technically not married,” Alec said, going to sit on the couch. “We're legal partners on Lilia, which is pretty close. And technically he _is_ a small one, dude, that's how Lilians refer to their children.”

Jace dropped onto the sofa next to him. “If I'd told you a year ago that by now you'd be practically married with a kid you would have laughed in my face.”

Alec nodded. “A lot has changed in the last six months, I'll give you that. I'm a hell of a lot happier, for one thing. Can you believe Max is almost a year old?”

“Actually, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Max's birthday?”

“Yeah.” Jace rubbed his hand on his thigh nervously. “I know Izzy and Magnus were planning a party for him. And I, uh, got a message from Max a couple hours ago. Our brother Max.”

“Yeah?” Alec gestured for him to continue.

“They're going to be on Lyca for that conference we have to go to.”

“I know.” Alec sighed. “I was hoping to avoid them, since we don't have to go to any of the same functions. I still haven't talked to them since they were so awful about Max.”

“I hadn't, either, but Max asked me to call, and I did.” Jace looked over at Alec. “They, uh, asked if they could meet him. And your partner.”

“They did.” Alec wasn't sure how to take this piece of information. He'd spent the last six months getting used to the idea that his parents hated him now, and now they wanted to meet his family?

“And I was thinking, since there are going to be a bunch of people coming and going for Max's birthday, that—if you wanted to, and I definitely didn't even sort of commit you to anything because you're well within your rights to tell them to go fuck themselves—maybe that would be a good time for them to visit.”

“I don't know,” Alec said. “I want to say you're right, because I'd love Max to have grandparents and I'd love Max to meet him.” He let out a half-hearted chuckle. “Although that could get confusing.” 

“But?”

“Well, I'd need to talk to Magnus about it, for one thing, because he's got more of a reason to hate them than I do. And I would need to set some ground rules with them ahead of time. And I'd have to talk to them, which I haven't been looking forward to.” Alec sighed. “And what if they're just doing this so they can come and be awful? Max can understand a lot of what people are saying around him now, and he's got that bond with Magnus and I, so if they say something hurtful to us he'll know. And if they are going to be their typical racist homophobic selves, I'd rather not put Magnus through that.”

“And that's why I didn't agree to anything. I just told them I'd ask you about a meeting, I didn't even mention that it was his birthday.” Jace touched the back of Alec's hand. “But I know you. I know being mad at them is hurting you more than it could ever hurt them. And they sounded genuinely sorry for their reaction—not, again, that that makes it better or makes them deserving of forgiveness. But I think we'd probably both feel better if we weren't so angry at them. They may be awful, but they're our parents. And they do love us.”

“They're not always very good at showing it,” Alec said. “But you're right. I'll talk to Magnus tonight about what he thinks.” He sighed. “And I guess I'll call them tomorrow.”

Jace nodded. “Let me know, okay? I'm happy to be with you again if you want.”

“If we decide against it, probably. Otherwise...I was thinking I'd ask Magnus to talk to them with me.”

“Well, that's one way to test their sincerity.” Jace laughed. “Good luck with convincing him, though, bro.”

“First I have to convince myself,” Alec said.

 

Magnus found him a few hours later, sitting at the desk staring at a blank screen. Alec had finished both their reports a while ago, but he still hadn't worked out what to say about his parents.

“I put Max down,” Magnus said, tone a little too even. 

“Good. Sorry. Thank you.”

Magnus stepped toward him and cupped his face in one hand. “I'm not upset, darling. But I did wonder if you might be.”

Alec sighed and stood up, letting Magnus's hand fall. “My parents want to meet you and Max,” he said, pacing away and then back. “I don't know if I'd call that upsetting, exactly, but it's something.”

Magnus nodded, looking concerned. “Did they say why?”

Alec shook his head. “Jace is the one who talked to them, not me. He said they said they were sorry for how they reacted before. And we're all going to be on Lyca in a couple weeks. If this hadn't happened, they'd've wanted to see us. But you know Izzy and Jace are with us on this, if we're not seeing them they won't either.”

“And that makes you feel guilty, so you want to see them?”

“No. I don't feel _guilty._ I feel...grateful. That they would stand with me, with _us,_ when I know it isn't easy for them.” Alec frowned. “I know you think it's a bad idea. I know they're—well, awful. But they're my _parents,_ and I hate the thought of just never talking to them again.”

Magnus nodded, folding his arms across his chest. “I understand that. There's nothing wrong with you, for loving them and wanting them to be a part of your life. I just don't see why that has to mean they have to be a part of _my_ life. Or Max's.”

“I guess it doesn't, apart from the fact that I thought our lives were mutually inclusive.” Alec stopped pacing and crossed his arms too.

“That's not fair, Alec, and you know it.” Magnus's voice was hard. “You can't ask me to just pretend that your parents didn't literally slaughter _my people_ by the thousands, and the fact that you're even thinking about giving them access to our son…”

“I'm not talking about ‘giving them access’ to him, I'm talking about one, controlled, public meeting. With their only grandchild.” Alec hadn't been sure what he wanted to do before, but Magnus's obstinance was fueling his own. “I don't see why that's so unreasonable. And I was hoping that you, as my partner, would be willing to at least give them a _shot._ People change. My parents are not the same people they were when they were my age and they fought in a war. And it was a _war_ , Magnus, where your people fought back and killed lots of mine, too.”

“My people did not _invade your planet_ and try to take it over!” Magnus had never sounded so angry, and Alec was surprised by the force of it. “Your people didn't lose nearly half your population with no way to recover it. Your infants weren't slaughtered in their beds. You came to our planet and you left nothing but destruction and yes, we fought back, and we killed those who had come to take our land and our resources, but we killed _soldiers,_ people who had signed up to _kill us._ And when the Federation intervened, we weren't winning. The peace treaty was signed and the war is over, but that isn't history for me, that was _my life._ Our entire Clan was slaughtered, Alec. Max is the last. So excuse me if I don't want to hand him over to the very people who tried to ensure he would never exist.”

“I'm not asking you to hand him over!” Alec threw his hands up, getting angry himself. “I'm not an idiot, Magnus, and if you think I'd just blithely let _anyone_ hurt our son, I don't know why you even agreed to this in the first place.”

“I was operating under the apparent delusion that you were a different kind of person than the generations before you. There have been a lot of Lightwoods in your history, and none of them decent. I guess I shouldn't be surprised to see you turning out the same.”

Alec felt like he'd been hit. “You don't mean that.”

“Don't I?” Magnus was literally glowing with rage, but his tone was even with a terrible calm. “Get out of my sight. I don't want you anywhere near me or my son.”

“Magnus—”

“Out.” Magnus pointed, electricity sparking from his fingertip. “I will not ask again.”

Alec backed out the door, holding back angry tears as he ran down the corridor.


	2. Magnus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY

Magnus sat down on the couch, energy draining out of him as he replayed the image of Alec's distraught face over and over again. Why couldn't Alec understand the reality of the danger? Did he genuinely not get that this was putting their son at risk? And for what? What would any of them get out of a meeting? If Alec wanted to see his parents, that was fine, but to drag Max into it…

Maybe he was being harsh. He probably shouldn't have made Alec leave. But this was their _son._ If Alec didn't put his safety first, then he shouldn't be here. Though—they were his parents, who were government officials now. Maybe they weren't _that_ likely to do any actual physical harm to their grandson, even if they had done terrible things to those like him in the past.

He knew that Alec had a difficult relationship with his parents. It was one of the reasons he'd allowed himself to even get to know Alec—knowing that he so thoroughly disagreed with his parent's philosophy. Alec had left home and joined Starfleet at just sixteen to get away from them, and apparently it had taken years (and his siblings following him into the service) for them to even speak to him again. And Magnus remembered the crack in Alec's voice when he'd asked if Magnus thought they'd ever forgive him, the night they'd brought Max home. 

But Magnus knew Alec didn't understand the full scope of the situation. He was too young to have lived it, and had learned about it mostly from an Idrian perspective—calling the conflict a war was almost laughable, when the reality of it had been more of a slaughter. For Alec to just casually disregard that, as if Magnus's love for him should translate into love for every Idrian…

As if Magnus had no right to be afraid for their son. Yes, okay, clearly Alec didn't perceive them as a real threat, but that shouldn't have invalidated Magnus's concern. Alec should understand that their son's safety _has_ to come first. And even if he didn't really understand the War, Alec knew that Magnus's whole Clan had been killed in it—that was how they'd ended up with Max, after all, and it was hardly some trivial factoid for Alec to dismiss. He should have known that Magnus would be against letting Alec's parents, or any Idrian who had been involved in the War, anywhere near their son.

Magnus knew he shouldn't have reacted so violently, though. They should have been able to have a rational discussion about it without him losing control of himself like he had. And he shouldn't have said Alec was just like his parents...it wasn't fair or true and he knew how much that had to have hurt. He'd been _trying_ to make it hurt, wanted Alec to be scared and hurt with him so they could share in the pain of it.

Magnus put his head in his hands. He knew Alec was terrified of becoming like his parents, the way so many children of horrible parents were, because Alec knew that his parents were horrible. The fact that he knew, objectively, that they were terrible people had no bearing on the affection he still felt for them—and his younger brother, who shared a name with their son. Who was a child, and couldn't be held responsible for his parents' actions any more than he could visit his family without said parents. When they'd first talked about their Max, Alec had mentioned his experience caring for his brother as a reason he was qualified to be a parent. And, having experienced first hand the strength of Alec's affection, Magnus knew that it had to be eating him up not to be able to see his little brother. Maybe there was some way to meet with Max where Magnus and Max wouldn't have to see Robert and Maryse?

Magnus's mind spun in circles of guilt and anger and fear until he fell asleep curled against the arm of the couch. He couldn't bear the thought of sleeping in their bed without Alec lying next to him. 

 

Magnus woke up at 0400 with a horrible crick in his neck and the sound of screaming sobs in his ears. Great, Max had had a nightmare. It wasn't surprising, given that his parental bonds had to be screaming negative emotions at him, but it was unfortunate, since Alec was far better at soothing him than Magnus was.

“Hey, sweetheart, you're okay,” Magnus said, picking up his crying child and cradling him to his chest. “It's okay, it was just a dream. Papa's got you.”

“Dada!” Max shouted, still crying, and then again, louder. “Dada!!”

“Shh, baby, Daddy's not here right now,” Magnus said, a little desperately. “But I've got you, okay? I love you, Max, and Daddy loves you too. We're just upset with each other right now, but he'll be home soon.”

Max clung to Magnus's shirt, still shrieking for Alec as Magnus failed to calm him down even slightly. God, this was just what he needed. Max wouldn't calm down until he got to touch Alec, and Magnus couldn't go wandering the ship in the small hours of the morning with a screaming infant to go find him, not when he'd been the one to force Alec out of their quarters in the first place. What a reconciliation that would be. “Sorry I know I said I didn't want you near our son again but please make him stop crying” was sure to go over _brilliantly._ He should never have said that. He knew that Alec loved their son more than anything. Magnus knew he had no idea how to be this child's father on his own, and, barring necessity, he would never want to. He couldn't even make it through one night without seeing how much he relied on Alec, and that was honestly kind of terrifying. When had he let himself become so dependent on another person? On an _Idrian?_

But he couldn't deny that he was. He relied on Alec for everything from soothing Max to getting him coffee. He relied on Alec personally and professionally, emotionally and physically. He couldn't stay here without him, both because he didn't want to and because he could not raise an infant alone on a starship while in active service. And to separate Max from his dad would be horrible for everyone. He didn't want to lose Alec. Thinking about the inevitable future without him was painful enough without the prospect of it happening _right now,_ when Max was still so young and so attached to him. 

The concept of losing Alec to a _fight_ and not to death or growing apart had never even occurred to Magnus. But then, he'd never expected to get anywhere near that angry with Alec. God, he'd nearly lost control of himself. He'd had to _send Alec away_ to be sure he wouldn't hurt him, what kind of man was he, that he had almost done something like that? Was he really any better than his own father had been? 

Magnus sat down in the chair in Max's bedroom, holding Max close against him as he rocked gently. Eventually they both cried themselves to sleep.


	3. Alec

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOME PLOT IT'S A MIRACLE

Alec could feel Magnus's eyes on him. It had been like this since they'd gotten to the bridge an hour ago. He wasn't sure exactly what Magnus hoped to gain by staring at him instead of doing his job, but Alec sure as hell wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of looking _back._

Normally Alec loved being able to glance over at Magnus mid-shift—they'd only gone back to full time, overlapping shifts last month, and it had been kind of fun to be able to be together at work, to not have to worry about whether he was being too obvious. And it was infinitely better than the four months they hadn't worked together at all, and Alec had sat through his shifts just waiting to be able to go home and see his partner and his son.

Today, though, it was miserable. Magnus was looking at him like he expected Alec to come over and apologize, as if the bridge were the appropriate place for the kind of conversation they needed to have. If Magnus wanted to talk, he should've come and talked to him before their shift started and they were supposed to be being _professionals_. Alec wasn't sure why he was supposed to be apologizing for literally just bringing up the fact that he wanted _his parents_ to meet _his son_. Although apparently that wasn't exactly how Magnus saw the situation, was it? What was it he'd said? ‘I don't want you anywhere near me or _my_ son.’ As in, not also Alec's son.

 

“Approaching Eilo IV, Commander,” Lieutenant Roberts said, snapping him out of his thoughts. 

Oh, right, they were supposed to be surveying the only M-class planet in this sector, starting today. Well, at least he wouldn't have to sit and deal with Magnus all shift. “Assume standard orbit, Lieutenant. Lieutenant Lightwood, begin sensor scans.”

“Aye, sir,” both Maia and Izzy said.

“Bridge to Captain Garroway,” Alec said.

“Garroway here.”

“We've arrived at Eilo IV, Captain, beginning sensor scans now.”

“On my way, Commander. Garroway out.”

As soon as Luke arrived, he'd be able to gather an away team and get off the bridge to head down to the planet. Provided Izzy didn't turn up anything too nasty on her scans, of course. He hoped she didn't. Having an opportunity to get off the ship and breathe some real air would do wonders for his mood. Getting away from Magnus would do wonders for his mood. 

“Preliminary sensor scans show no evidence of modern civilization,” Izzy said, once Luke came out of the turbolift. “Although there appear to be some kind of ruins on this set of islands.”

“Life signs?” Luke asked.

Isabelle shrugged. “Difficult to say. Lots of life, but it could be mostly plant life? No large predators that I can find, but the composition of what I _can_ find is...odd. It might impact the accuracy.”

“We'll be careful,” Alec said. “I'll take a team down to the largest island, see what we can make of those ruins.”

Luke nodded. “Report back in thirty minute intervals, we don't know what's down there.”

“Aye, sir. Fairchild, Lightwood, with me.” Alec turned toward the turbolift to see Magnus standing in front of him.

“Request permission to accompany the away team, sir. My archaeological expertise could be useful when investigating the ruins.” Magnus was staring at Alec with an unreadable expression.

Luke looked between them and raised his eyebrows. “Granted, Commander, unless Mr. Lightwood has an objection.”

Alec set his jaw. “No objection, sir. Come on, everyone, let's get down there.”

They picked up a couple security officers on their way to the transporter room and beamed down into a clearing near a cliff face.

“The ruins should be that way.” Izzy pointed, looking at her tricorder. 

Alec nodded. “Ms. Lightwood, Mr. Bane, take Ms. Chen and scope out the ruins. We'll scout the surrounding area and check for potential predators.”

Isabelle looked up in surprise, but Magnus just nodded and started walking off. She followed, gesturing the security officer after her. 

Alec let out a breath as soon as they were out of sight, turning to Clary, who was staring at him speculatively.

“You two okay?” she asked.

Alec shrugged uncomfortably. “Is it that obvious?”

“Honestly? Yes. But also we had your brother at our door this morning whining about you both being idiots, so I kind of already knew.”

“God, I can't believe you _want_ to join this family. The gossip and the drama are going to kill me.” He started walking into the woods, flanked by Clary and Ensign Velasquez, who was trying to pretend he couldn't hear them. Alec appreciated the effort.

“So you didn't drape yourself dramatically on his couch last night, a perfect rose between your teeth, as you wept a perfect tear that sparkled in the light falling perfectly on your face?” Clary laughed. 

“I'm going to murder him,” Alec said seriously. He sighed. “Can we please just focus? I swear I will tell you everything when we aren't walking through the jungle on a potentially dangerous planet.”

“I'm holding you to that—and if I don't, you know Izzy will.”

“Why do you think I sent her off with Magnus? Do you think she'd take ‘this jungle is dangerous’ as an excuse?”

Clary snorted. “Probably not.”

“Again, not sure how you survive living with her.”

“Come on, you love her. And I ‘survive’ by not keeping things from her. You know, clear communication goes a long way toward a healthy relationship.”

“I really don't need a lecture right now, Fairchild.”

“You brought it up.” Clary rolled her eyes. “I think I see part of the ruins through those trees. Are you planning to spend the mission sulking, or can you bear to see your partner long enough to do your job?”

Alec rolled his eyes back at her. “Let's go. Velasquez, have you seen anything on your tricorder?”

“No, sir. But that composition issue Lieutenant Lightwood mentioned might still be affecting it.” 

Alec nodded. “Eyes open, then. I haven't seen anything, but that doesn't mean there's nothing here.”

They made their way toward a crumbling stone structure. It was hard to tell how large it was through the trees, but it was definitely tall—they could see a piece of the roof, at least thirty feet up and half fallen in. As they got closer, Alec realized that there were several towers clustered together, rising up towards the canopy. The trees were taller here, too, and the canopy was so dense that it felt almost dark. The first real tingle of apprehension went up his spine as he realized that anything could be lurking in those trees. 

The base of the tower was smaller than Alec would have thought, about ten feet in diameter, but there were six of them, and they were connected by lower sections of building, maybe seven feet tall and twenty feet long.

“Fairchild, you go left with Velasquez. I'll head right. Try to find the others, or some kind of door. I want to know what this is.”

“Aye, sir,” they said, and headed off.

Alec pulled out his phaser, flipping open his tricorder with his other hand. He hoped they found the others quickly—he really didn't want to have to comm Magnus or Izzy to ask where they were. He knew he was being unprofessional, but as long as they got the job done he didn't really care. If Magnus wanted to shoehorn his way onto this mission that was fine, but it didn't mean Alec was going to talk to him any more than was necessary.

“Commander! I think we've found a door!” Clary called from further around the structure. 

Alec jogged toward her voice, finding her and Ensign Velasquez standing in front of a fallen-in section of the stone wall that left it open to the inside. “I don't know that I'd call that a door.”

“It's a way in, though, isn't it? Did you see anything else?” she asked.

“No.” He sighed. “Be careful, the structure is obviously unsound. And stay close.” Alec scrambled over the chunks of stone and into the darkness of the inside of the structure.


	4. Magnus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is late; I've had a fever of about 100°F off and on for the last week and I've been having a lot of trouble concentrating...it's not edited as well as I'd normally do because of that also, so please forgive any errors. (Let me know if you see any obvious ones though I mean I'd rather fix them I just can't really focus enough to do a proper close read)

“You know, you don't have to ignore me just because your brother is,” Magnus said. He and Isabelle were standing together in the base of one of the towers in the ruins they'd found, investigating the carvings. Ensign Chen was standing by the tunnel they hadn't explored yet, taking readings on her tricorder. Isabelle hadn't said a word to either of them since Alec had sent them off.

“I wasn't sure if you'd want to speak to me, or if I was ‘just like all the other Lightwoods’, too,” she said harshly.

Magnus winced. “Isabelle—”

“Jace was in our quarters this morning going off about the state Alec was in last night,” Izzy said. “So I'm sorry if I'm not exactly feeling warm and fuzzy toward you at the moment.”

“Izzy, he said it was just a war, like it was fair and equal on both sides.” Magnus took a deep breath. “I shouldn't have reacted so strongly, but I—that's—I can't.”

“ _Shit._ ” Izzy looked a little thrown. “God, my brothers are both idiots. Alec probably doesn't even realize what he said.”

“I know I said some things I shouldn't have. I'd hoped we could work it out this morning, but…”

“He's not that quick about emotions, unfortunately.” Izzy rolled her eyes. “I'm sure he'll realize he's being an asshole eventually, but he can sulk for days.”

“I know, I just never thought he'd be sulking at _me._ ” 

“I suppose it was bound to happen eventually.” She shrugged, turning back to the carvings with her tricorder out.

Magnus sighed and pulled out his own tricorder. Maybe coming on this mission had been a bad idea.

 

Magnus, Izzy, and Ensign Chen were in their third tower when they heard voices coming down the tunnel. Magnus looked up to see Alec leading Clary and Ensign Velasquez into the room.

“Preliminary report?” Alec was looking somewhere over Magnus's head, but the question was clearly directed at him.

“We've taken scans of the carvings in this and two other towers,” Magnus said, keeping his voice calm and professional. “The carvings are different in each one.”

“We haven't found anything that helps us determine what this structure was used for,” Isabelle added. “Did you come in through the collapsed wall on the east side? Because we also haven't found a door.”

“We did,” Alec confirmed, turning toward her. “Have you found any access to the center? It must be a pretty big space.”

Isabelle shook her head. “If there is something, it must be in one of the tunnels we haven't explored yet. Did you run across anything outside?”

Alec shook his head. “Lots of plant life, but nothing else. The forest isn't quiet, though, so I'd say it's safe to assume there's some kind of local fauna.”

Isabelle nodded. “I agree. I'll probably want to come back with a science team and see if we can't figure out what's so strange about it that our sensors can't pick it up.”

“We are planning to be here for three days, I'm sure you'll be able to.” Alec sighed and turned to Magnus, obviously upset to have to address him directly. “Mr. Bane, have you gotten what you need from the carvings?”

“In this tower,” Magnus said in the same calm tone he'd used before. “I'd like to get scans from all of them before we go. There are lots of these structures, we'll need a full analysis of this one to compare the others to.”

Alec nodded, and then checked in with the ship as they walked down the tunnel.

The tunnels, unlike the towers, had so far all looked the same. Stone hallways with no light source, so low-ceilinged that Magnus's hair brushed the top. He tried not to be too vindictively pleased that Alec had to stoop awkwardly to avoid hitting his head. 

He was having a harder time keeping himself from getting angry again than he had expected. Alec was walking around acting like Magnus was just another crewman—less than just another crewman—and it was driving him crazy. What did Alec want from him? An apology? While Magnus would readily agree that he had said some things he shouldn't have, Alec had been at least as in the wrong. Alec was the one who'd made Magnus so upset that he'd effectively thrown him out for his own safety—clearly that meant that it needed to be Alec who apologized.

And Alec wasn't even trying to act normally—Magnus saw that even the security officers, neither of whom knew him well personally, were giving Alec a wide berth. Clary and Isabelle were trading concerned glances behind Alec's back, and looking at Magnus himself with a kind of speculation in their eyes that made him concerned. 

Hopefully whatever they were plotting wouldn't make things worse. Magnus wasn't exactly feeling charitably towards Alec's family at the moment.

Alec stayed on the opposite side of the room as Magnus and Isabelle took readings from the fourth tower, and Magnus did his best to ignore him. This tower had a hole in the roof where it had collapsed inward, and  the weathering and debris had obscured a portion of the carvings. The natural light, slight as it was, was a pleasant relief from the cave-like darkness they'd been working in. They had lights with them, of course, and they were all used to artificial light, but there was a big difference between the ship and these enclosed stone spaces. Here the darkness felt too much like a trap.

They finished their readings and started down the next corridor, Ensign Chen in the lead. Magnus nearly crashed into her when she stopped abruptly.

“Do you see that light?” she asked, pointing ahead of them. Sure enough, on the inside wall of the tunnel there was a gap of fallen-in stone.

Alec pushed past Magnus to investigate. “Let's take a look.”

They scrambled through the small gap and found themselves in a dense stand of trees. The way the tunnels were arranged left a large open space in the middle, and it appeared to be filled with just more forest. Magnus figured this made sense, since it was open to the sky above and seemed to have been abandoned for some time, but he couldn't help feeling a little disappointed that there was nothing more interesting. 

Alec ordered them to spread out and investigate, and then strode off into the trees. Magnus flipped open his tricorder and followed him. Even if they were fighting, he wasn't about to let a distracted Alec wander into a mysterious forest alone.

“I'm not talking to you,” Alec said, without glancing over his shoulder. They were out of sight of the others, surrounded entirely by green.

“Funny, it seemed like that was talking, and directed at me.” Magnus stepped closer to him.

“Ha ha,” Alec said flatly. 

“I understand that you're still upset with me,” Magnus said. “I'm still rather upset with you. But we don't have the luxury of being able to ignore each other.”

“No, because you couldn't sit out even one fucking away mission so I could have a little _space._ ” Alec pushed aside a vine, letting it swing back and smack Magnus in the face as they walked.

“Apparently I was wrong to think that you could be professional enough to work with me. I am the most qualified person on the ship for missions like this, I'm sorry to hear that that bothers you.”

“Oh, shut up, don't pretend you didn't do this on purpose. Jace could've done the readings just as well as you can. You just—what was that?” Alec froze, listening. 

There had been a noise in the trees, like something was moving above them, and Magnus stared up into them, trying to make out anything against the seemingly solid green. “Maybe we can save the argument for when we get home.”

Alec nodded tightly, one hand on his phaser. “Stay close.”

As if Magnus was going to do anything different. They take another six or seven steps, both keeping their eyes fixed on the canopy above them. 

There was another rustle from above them, and then movement in the corner of his eye. Magnus didn't even think, just threw himself in between the green blur and Alec in time to catch a chest full of claws. He registered searing pain, a flash of light, Alec screaming his name, and then nothing.


	5. Alec

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me! Remembering to update and everything! Also, I am so so sorry.

Alec can't believe it. His brain doesn't seem to be working right and he can't focus and he remembers shouting and beaming and racing down the hallway after Magnus and now he's standing outside the surgery in sickbay staring at Dr. Loss trying to patch up the gaping wound in Magnus's chest, and he's shaking. This wasn't supposed to be how it went this wasn't supposed to happen Magnus was supposed to be able to heal why wasn't he healing… his thoughts swirled around in a jumble until he felt someone touch his shoulder. 

It was Izzy. “Dr. Loss says she's stopped the bleeding,” she said gently. “There was some kind of toxin on the creature's claws that's shot his healing factor, but we think we've isolated it. Meliorn and I are working on an antidote that should be ready in the morning.”

“If he makes it that long,” Alec heard himself say. It felt like he was a long way away from his body.

“He's got good motivation,” Izzy said. “They say it helps to know your loved ones are close. Dr. Loss said you could go in and sit with him, if you wanted to. He probably won't regain consciousness, but he might be able to hear you.”

“I'm not sure how much I'll help,” Alec said weakly.

Izzy rubbed his shoulder gently. “Jace told me what happened. I'm so sorry.”

“I didn't tell him I loved him.” Alec hugged himself, trying to keep the shaking at bay. “I haven't ever not told him I love him before we go to bed. I just, I can't—”

“He knows you love him,” Isabelle said firmly. “And you'll get a chance to tell him again. And to talk about everything.”

“I don't know what I'll do if he dies, Izzy. I don't know if I can do this.”

“So tell him. Go in there, and hold his hand, and tell him you love him and you can't do this without him. It might be the push he needs, and it certainly can't hurt.”

Alec nodded. “Will you bring Max? I—I don't want to leave, but I think it would help to have him close.” 

“Of course, big brother. I'll be back in no time.” 

Izzy darted off, and Alec walked around the glass wall to where Magnus was lying, surrounded by beeping medical equipment. He pulled a chair over to the side of the bed and sat down.

Magnus looked pale and vulnerable in the harsh light of the medbay. His fingers were cold when Alec touched his hand, and Alec clasped it tightly, hoping he could transfer some of his own warmth.

“I love you,” he said, although he had no way of knowing if Magnus could hear him. “I'm so sorry I didn't say so. I'm sorry we fought and I'm sorry I was mad and I'm sorry I didn't see that thing coming.” Alec felt wetness on his cheeks and realized he was crying. “I love you so much, Magnus, please. I can't do this without you.” He broke off with a sob, clutching Magnus's hand between his own.

He was still crying when Izzy came in with Max.

“Oh, Alec,” she said, touching his shoulder. “Is there anything I can do?”

He shook his head, letting go of Magnus with one hand to reach for Max. 

Max reached back, touching his cheek where it was wet. “Dada?”

Alec took him and set him on his lap, wrapping an arm around his small body. “Daddy's okay, baby, I'm just worried about Papa.”

“Papa,” Max repeated, looking at Magnus. At almost a year old, he didn't have a lot of words, but he did know how to use them well. 

“Papa's asleep,” Alec explained, trying to keep his voice even. “I don't know when he's going to wake up. He got hurt and Aunt Izzy, Aunt Cat, and Meliorn are trying to fix him, but they aren't sure what to do.”

“I should get back to that,” Izzy said, squeezing his shoulder. “I'll come back and check on you in a bit, if only to make sure you have something to eat—don't worry, I'll replicate it.”

Alec tried to smile. “I really doubt I'll be hungry.”

“We'll see. Let us know if you need anything.” She stepped away. “Bye, Max.”

“Bye!” Max said, waving.

Alec glanced up in time to see Izzy lowering her hand with a sad smile before leaving them.

He didn't know what he was going to do. If Magnus made it until morning, they'd administer the antidote and _hope_ it worked, hope Magnus could heal, but there was just no way to _know._ He could die in the night. The damage could be irreparable. He could stay in a coma indefinitely. 

Alec clutched Mac closer to his chest as he was hit with the horrifying thought that it would be entirely possible for the Lilian government to take his son away if Magnus died—after all, what Magnus had said about ‘handing him over to the enemy’ was certainly a commonly held belief. How hard would it be for them to declare him an unfit parent? A single Idrian working full time on a starship? He'd quit his job if he had to, but would an unemployed Idrian look any better? Especially with Max being the last of his Clan...and really, without Magnus, Alec was horribly underqualified to raise a Lilian child. Sure, he wouldn't be entirely alone, but what would happen when Max started to develop his powers? Max would probably end up throwing a tantrum and setting his room on fire and there would be nothing Alec could do to stop it and—

Alec cut that thought off, taking a deep, gasping breath and burying his face in Max's dark blue curls. “I love you, blueberry,” he murmured.

Max squirmed, protesting the tight hold, and Alec sat back, giving him a little more space.

“Sorry, Max,” Alec said. He took another deep breath, trying to think of a distraction.  “Do you want a story?”

Max nodded in the enthusiastic way that children do. “Story!”

Alec smiled a little. “Once upon a time there was a magical kingdom. The king and queen were very happy, but they had always wanted a child…”

He talked and talked, trying to keep Max entertained and engage himself enough that he didn't have to think about the fact that Magnus was lying right there, hanging on the edge between life and death. Izzy came in with a tray of food as he was finishing his second fairytale. She watched him eat and then took Max to put him to bed.

As soon as they were alone, Alec collapsed onto the edge of Magnus's bed, head pillowed on his own folded arms, not quite touching any part of Magnus for fear of hurting him. “I'm sorry,” he said, and then counted the minutes till morning.


	6. Magnus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Every part of Magnus's body felt heavy. Especially his eyelids. He knew there was some reason he should be waking up, something he needed his eyes for, but he couldn't remember it? And opening his eyes seemed like so much _effort._ Couldn't he just lie here a little longer? Surely Alec could handle whatever it was.

Alec. Wait. There was something about Alec he needed to remember. He struggled against the fog in his brain and became aware of soft voices near him.

“...activity looks good,” a man's voice was saying. Someone he thought he knew, but couldn't quite place. “It's just a matter of waiting.”

“Dr. Loss said he'd heal almost instantly.” That voice was even more familiar, a voice that meant _home_ in his mind, and he fought to understand what the man was saying. “He should've woken up an hour ago.”

“It's hard to predict how the body will react after massive trauma,” the first man said. Massive trauma? Was he hurt? “He could wake up any time, or he could stay in a coma for months. We've never seen a toxin like this before.”

“I know.” A sigh, and something warm squeezed Magnus's hand. “Thanks, Meliorn.”

“I'm doing my job, sir, that does not require thanks,” Apparently-Meliorn said. Meliorn. He was one of the nurses in sickbay. Why was Magnus in sickbay? 

“Still,” said the second voice, the one that made Magnus think of hot coffee and warm blankets and safety.

“I'll leave you,” Meliorn said, and Magnus heard footsteps receding. 

The hand holding his squeezed again. “Hey, Magnus. I don't know if you can hear me, but everybody says this should help. I feel kind of silly, but I guess it's just me and you, and you're asleep, so I can't embarrass myself too much. Max was here but he was sleepy so Jace took him to take a nap. He misses you. I miss you.” A pause, and a deep, faltering breath. “God, Magnus, I love you so much. I'm so sorry. Please, please wake up.”

Magnus wanted to. The man sounded so sad that he wasn't awake. But he couldn't force himself to move.

 

He drifted. Time must have passed because there were more voices again, this time a woman's.

“You have to eat something,” she said.

“I told you, I'm not hungry,” the familiar man said. “I had something earlier.”

“You had half a protein bar three hours ago. That isn't eating.” She sighed. “You won't do him any good if you collapse, big brother. And think what it would do to Max.”

“Fine, give it to me.” The sound of something being handed over, chewing.

“He's going to be okay,” she said. “His vitals are good and there's been periods of increased brain activity, like he's close to waking up.”

“But he isn't waking up,” the man said. “It's been nearly twelve hours. He could be in a coma for months, even years. How would I explain that to Max? And he'd miss out on so much…”

“Let's worry about that when we're actually facing it,” she said gently. “At this point you don't even need to worry about going back to work. Luke's given you the week off. Jace, Clary, and I can take care of Max.”

“I can't ask that of you.”

“You aren't. We're your family, and we're offering. I'll bring him by in a few hours, though, as long as you promise to finish that.” The scrape of a chair being pulled back. “I have to get back to work.”

“Thanks for this. I'm sorry I'm so useless.”

“You aren't useless, you're in love. I'd do the same if it was Clary.” Non-regulation heels clicking on the floor and fading out into silence.

A sigh. More chewing. Another sigh. A chair being moved, footsteps away and back. “If you tell her I didn't actually finish that we're not having sex for a month.” A broken chuckle. “God, just please, Magnus. I can't do this without you. It's almost Max's birthday, what am I going to do if you're still in here? I still haven't talked to my parents about any of it, Jace says Max has been harassing him about getting to see us. What am I supposed to say?”

Magnus felt a hand clasp his, holding it tightly, and he wanted to squeeze back but he just _couldn't_ _move_.

“How am I supposed to do any of this without you? You should be there. I want you there for everything. I never want to live without you.” The man chuckled sadly. “I can't believe the last night before this happened I slept on Jace's couch. Like, _god_ , how could I be so _stupid!_ I should have realized how upset you were and backed off. I should have come back and apologized. Angels, I should have at least talked to you in the morning! And I never should have let it distract me.” A deep breath. “I've spent all this time thinking how awful it is that I'll die before you, and I never once considered the fact that I might lose you instead.” 

Silence, broken by a few shaky breaths. “Please wake up. I can't go back to being alone.”

Magnus fought the heaviness enveloping him as hard as he could, but it was no use. He was pulled back into the blackness of unconsciousness.

 

The next time he was aware, he could open his eyes, and did so, before the fact that this was novel even came back to him. Alec was sitting in a chair, head pillowed on his arms on the side of Magnus's bed. He was asleep, snoring softly, with his hair flopped over his eyes like it so often was in the mornings, and Magnus felt his heart clench at the abnormal normalcy of it. He reached to brush the hair out of Alec's face, and Alec's eyes snapped open.

“You're awake,” Alec said, sounding astounded.

“I'm awake,” Magnus agreed. “Should I not be?”

“You've been in a coma for more than twenty-four hours,” Alec explained, and there was an edge to his voice Magnus wasn't sure how to read. “We weren't sure if—” Alec's voice broke, and he took a deep breath. “Well, we weren't sure what would happen.”

“What happened?” Magnus was trying to piece together the last things he remembered, but it was hard. “We were on the planet, and then…?”

“You were attacked by a creature on the planet.” Alec took Magnus's hand and held it tightly. “It had some kind of toxin in its claws that prevented you from healing. You...lost a lot of blood. By the time Izzy and Meliorn had an antidote synthesized, you were in a coma.” He too a deep breath. “You're fully healed physically, but we had no way to even guess how long you'd be asleep.”

Magnus nodded, taking this in. Alec was still in his uniform, and he looked exhausted and stressed. “And you've been here the whole time?”

Alec ducked his head. “I didn't want you to be alone.”

“Thank you,” Magnus said gently. “How did Max take it?”

Alec seemed almost surprised to be asked, and Magnus remembered with a sick feeling the last time he'd talked to Alec about Max. “He's okay. Confused, mostly. I've had him with me most of the time he's been awake, and Jace and Izzy have been watching him. I hope that's...I hope that's okay. I just, I didn't know what else to do, I'm sorry.”

“Hey,” Magnus said, putting a finger under Alec's chin and lifting his face so he could see his eyes. “That's exactly what you should have done. Well, you probably should have gone home and slept some yourself. But he's your son, Alec. I was wrong, so wrong to ever suggest otherwise. I'm so sorry.”

Alec blinked. “I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have pushed you.”

Magnus sighed and let go of Alec's face, turning away slightly. “It wasn't—it wasn't just that you pushed me. It was—you were what, a year old when the war ended? Max's age. You didn't live it. You don't, _can't_ know what it was like, and I know that. And I know that most of your knowledge of it comes from your Idrian upbringing. But it was really...you were acting like I should just be over it, like it was just some political conflict be not something that affected every day of my life. Our planet have been at war off and on since before I was born. And this latest war was nothing but a massacre. The Idrian forces came in and just destroyed everything they could. I know you don't know what that's like, you weren't there. You didn't live it. But to hear it trivialized…” Magnus looked back over at him. “I just couldn't handle it.”

Alec winced. “I'm so sorry. I didn't even think—”

Magnus smiled a little. “There's your problem right there.”

Alec let out a tiny, broken laugh. “I love you, you know that, right?”

Magnus's smile widened. “I do. And I love you, too. I'm sorry to make you question that.”

Alec squeezed his hand and stood up. “Then we can work the rest out when we get home. I'm sure Dr. Loss wants to check on you, and Izzy might want some more tests. I'll get her to bring Max, if you want?”

“Alexander,” Magnus said. “Come back here and kiss me.”

Alec's eyes widened for a second before he grinned, sudden and blindingly bright. “I think I can do that,” he said, and did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so. I know this isn't the conclusion you wanted or expected. This isn't the conclusion I wanted or expected either. But given my recent failing health and the fact that some of the comments have made me uncomfortable, I can't promise to work any more on this story, and it's unfair to leave you guys expecting a conclusion that may or may not come. If you want to stay subscribed, there's a chance that I might get the motivation to write more and actually give this issue some closure, but I can't promise that, and if it does happen it won't be in the next month or two. I'm sorry to leave without wrapping up the main conflict in a satisfying way, or making a decision as to what they're going to do. Whatever they do end up doing will be decided after they have a rational conversation in which they are both able to present their concerns and be listened to. I just don't know that I'll ever be able to write that conversation without someone shouting that I was too biased toward one side or the other, and as someone whose own family survived the holocaust the implication that something I might do with my characters in my au would be akin to "making a holocaust survivor forgive Nazis" has been giving me severe anxiety since it was first suggested by a commenter, and I don't really feel comfortable exploring this any further largely because of that. I know the people who said it were unfamiliar with my personal history and did not intend to upset me, but the fact remains that I have been upset about this story since then, and haven't been able to give it the attention or love it deserves. Again, I'm sorry to have to do this, but for now this is all there's going to be. Thank you so much for reading and commenting, and being so supportive of me throughout this process—I hope to be able to write something further in this series, possibly set a bit later, after this decision has passed. 
> 
> I love all of you, and I am very sorry


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